you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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