I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
