Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the day after is always just damage control
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
