I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
