dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
