Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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