We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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