When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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