Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
