Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
