They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
