I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
