How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
