OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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