i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
