Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
