could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
is it fun? or sober?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
