No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
