Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
