oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
