I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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