i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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