So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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