We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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