When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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