All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
