Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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