i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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