isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
