Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Houston, we have a squirter
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
