How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
