i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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