Will you blow on my dice?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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