Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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