I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
