this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
