You can't motorboat a personality
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
