I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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