May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
