careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
