Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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