Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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