Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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