This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
