She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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