dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
