so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
