You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
