moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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