11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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