the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
