We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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