i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
