I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
