I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
