Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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