So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
