At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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