I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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