Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
