ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
