ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
