Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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