How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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