i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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