Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
