doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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