the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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