somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
