after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
