i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
