I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
