There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
