Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
