Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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