saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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