We're facebook friends in real life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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