But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
