I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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